Rodents often have a wire wheel in their cage.  It spins.  It spins kind of fast for a laboratory animal — providing entertainment, exercise, and amusement to avoid the dull drums or obesity. 

I have yet to see a rat use it effectively.  Really, I’ve never seen any vermin use this contraption.

However, I imagine that when the creature wishes to stop, that the desired goal may be harder to achieve than previously thought.  In fact, maybe that is why I have YET to see a mouse use this circus-like contraption.  They learned the hard way. 

It only took once. 

To stop moving—that vermin would topple head over heals.  Their feet hardly appear strong enough to support their jellybean shaped body.  I see flared toes and a smashed nose.  A scene that finds us bystanders wondering which way is north for this small beating heart. 

Similarly, if you have a ticket on a high speed rail (train) . . . your body is hurdling through a small space on the side of a mountain without you really being aware of the speed with which you are traveling.  Should you decide to pull the break line, you would find yourself facing the reality of your velocity. 

And you would resemble the above mentioned rat.  Kind of.

I liken my life to said rodent on the spinning wheel and momentarily unfortunate ticketholder.  I sometimes feel like I am on a voyage that took a detour. 

Not the destination that I had envisioned.  Don’t get me wrong.  I love my Engineer and the five other passengers. 

It’s just that . . .

There is no way I would attempt to allude to this dizzying speed with which I feel I am traveling, except in a brief raw moment of honesty. 

Like now.

But when confronted by Truth, I can not hide behind the new clothes and spiffy hair cut. 

To let a tear drop.  That seems like defeat.  Not the honesty I had intended.

Rend your heart and not your garments. Return to the LORD your God, for he is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love, and he relents from sending calamity. (Joel 2:13)  ~ Thanks, Christina Icarus.

All the attempts at organizing . . . planning . . . pretend striving. 

Vanity. 

In a room filled with stories, I see that my worship . . . my way . . . my veneration of the Holy One . . . is so . . . empty. 

The way that I sing.  Rote.

The way that I talk with Abba.  Monotone.  Laconic.

The authority by which I beseech the Maker of Heaven and Earth.  Without expectation.

Kudos for modest dress.  Yet, attire that is filled with plump folds of gluttony and sloth.  And a depressed thyroid.

My interaction with others?  Why don’t you ask my children.  How valued they feel depends on the hour. 

My standards . . . numb.  Like a Pharisee.

The safest road to hell is the gradual one – the gentle slope, soft underfoot, without sudden turnings, without milestones, without signposts.

C.S. Lewis

I find myself in a scary but honest and real place. 

Kay Arthur writes, “How we need to be aware of the subtleties of prosperity and ease, which can cause us to forget the greatness of our God and the so-great-a-salvation He has wrought for us!  And when we do forget, our worship will become mechanical just as Israel’s did.  Even though they were explicitly warned by Moses in Deuteronomy 6:10-15, they worshiped God only with their lips while their hearts were far from Him.”

I can’t blame the metallic taste in my mouth on Levothyroxine thyroid medicine.  I took myself off of it. 

It’s called . . . it’s called . . . it’s called . . .

~ a lack of fortitude? 

~ being ruled by one’s emotions? 

~ ignored sin?

I don’t know.

And what is the point of this prose?  I don’t know.  I am grasping at straws, trying to decipher what to think.  To understand events that unfold and play out before my eyes. 

To make meaning of conversations I don’t understand.

Perhaps, just perhaps, it will resonate with someone over on their computer screen.

Worship the Lord in holy attire;

Tremble before Him, all the earth.

Say among the nations, “The Lord reigns;

Indeed, the world is firmly established, it will not be moved;

He will judge the peoples with equity.”

Let the heavens be glad, and let the earth rejoice;

Let the sea roar, and all it contains;

Let the field exult, and all that is in it.

Then all the trees of the forest will sing for joy

Before the Lord, for He is coming,

For He is coming to judge the earth.

He will judge the world in righteousness

And the peoples in His faithfulness.

Psalm 96: 9-13

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