At the Moment of Surrender
Writing a blog post in your head while driving is about as dangerous as texting when operating a moving vehicle. (At least, for me.)
Combine my mental processor working with the fact(s) that I was driving my MIL’s Lexus with the windows down, listening to U2, having a good hair day, enjoying my comfy yoga pants and favorite prego shirt—all on my way to introduce my midwife to my due date . . . which I have never met before, and the driving situation becomes almost surrealistic.
During this moment of fahrvergnügen, the lyrics of Moments of Surrender by said above band, blew into my ears almost as if prompted by the Good Lord, Himself. This doesn’t surprise me, as many of you know that God has worked through my heart in mysterious ways through this iconic band.
At the moment of surrender
I folded to my knees
I did not notice the passers-by
And they did not notice me.
Here’s the deal-e-o . . . I’ve never met my due date before.
And it got me thinking. There are so many times in my life where I have said,
“Self, everything will be perfect when you lose your weight.”
“If only I had a boyfriend, then all would be well.”
“Once we get married, I’ll be less sinful.”
“When we have children, then I will truly find fulfillment.”
“Now if we just had a house with a swing set . . . now you are talking, God.”
“If I could just puke, then I would feel all better.” (Not that I thought that last night.)
But the striving continues. The “what if’s” . . . the “if only’s” . . . the “then’s” . . .
It simply doesn’t work that easily. Just because you get what you want, doesn’t mean that you get what you need.
So, though I’m sure going to be thankful to have this baby . . . it doesn’t mean that my life (or body) will be more comfortable or easier . . . it doesn’t mean I will get a better night’s sleep or perspire less. My children, one in particular, won’t instantly settle down and understand that he is still just as important to me as his siblings. Mussie will still forage for food. And having another female in the house, doesn’t mean I will always have a common ally.
But my thought today . . . I surrender. I fall down to my knees. I don’t care who sees me. I don’t care who notices me. I’m just going to be. Be pregnant. Be in the Word. Be about My Father’s business. Be the best wife and mom that I can be with the energy that I have. Practice forgiveness and extend grace.
I am looking forward to hugs that don’t hurt. Reading to little boys who can actually sit on my lap. And kissing my husband without bending to reach him.
At least, I have my new Bible study picked out. I’m sure that after I finish it, it will have completely transformed me into the perfect mother. (Smiles.)